I have a friend who has said more than once that she admires ‘what I’m doing’. [I run a small business]. We met years ago at a gym, and spent time going to clubs and bars in the Boston area, really enjoying one another’s company. Eventually, she moved to NYC, I traveled abroad, and we settled in different spots – she now in Texas, me back here in New England.
From time to time, I hear from her. Always, she is up to something fun, and purposeful – getting a yoga certification, joining a swim team, sampling wines at a cool party. Yet, she always seems to yearn for the ‘thing’ that will make her happy, and muses out loud, to me, what it could be.
Most recently, she reached out and wrote a long scribe about feeling dislocated and lost.
"I booked my flight to Australia over the holidays as I just can’t wait any longer to use my passport despite that I now must save money just to enjoy it there…. I feel a bit lost. I am working traveling jobs to pay off some debt but am finding myself seeking more – AGAIN. “
The letter was at once familiar, and thankfully, now a foreign territory. You see, in the letter, I saw myself. “M” is about 7 years younger than me, so I have the advantage of just one life stage on her.
She is not going crazy. She just hasn’t woken up yet.
She searches for her life’s work, and has much to offer, but still thinks the right solution – travel, a boss, a bolt of lightning – will show her what is already vastly showing through in her.
‘M’ has a Ph.D in occupational therapy and was employed for several years by a pharmaceutical company. Long desiring travel, but putting it off because of crushing student debt, she finally signed on for temp work and at the age of 30, moved west. She has completed a marathon (!) and has some advanced training in yoga and does other sports. She adores travel and culture.
What can someone with so much drive and so many interests do? If I were counseling her, I’d quietly ask her when she has felt in her bones, happiest?
We are all most satisfied (a better word than ‘happy’, which can be fleeting) when we are sharing what’s best in ourselves, and what flows most easily from us, even if we are not trained in something specific. When we give this ‘thing’ to others, we are flooded with purpose. People who launch themselves, as entrepreneurs or as fully-expressed people, are usually making both themselves and someone else happy, at the same time.
Doesn’t mean we should all strive to be social workers. But we must trust that when we step into our purpose (which remember, is a marriage of intense personal interest intersecting with something people need), we will have our life’s work.
”M” could do any of the following:
- Help graduates find work as a career counselor specializing in those with medical/health degrees.
- Launch a yoga, pilates, or wellness studio
- Health & wellness advisor to those with chronic illnesses
- Work exclusively with a sports team or traveling team
- Personal trainer, in partnership with a gym
- Adventure travel agent
“M” claims that, even though her parents were entrepreneurs, she ‘doesn’t have the drive’ be one herself. Horse pucky! This is someone who left rural Louisiana for post-grad education in Boston, then launched in New York, eventually moving to Albuquerque, with no help from parents or boyfriends. It takes more energy to sustain her life as it has been, with little personal satisfaction, than it could possibly take to create a small little business (over time) would suit her purpose.
Everyone is looking for the personal elixir that will guarantee happiness and income. Perhaps there is no perfect choice: One chooses the desire that becomes overwhelming. If you have a child, you give up a lot of personal freedom in return for falling into a pool of love that is a baby. If she gives up steady income from a salaried job, she may find the unctuous pleasure of waking up in her own tiny studio and giving people lessons in feeling good.
Robert Frost said, mysteriously, that taking the road less traveled made ‘all the difference’. Curiously, he did not spell out what he meant. I now take it to mean that at the very least, we should consciously choose.
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Jillian J. Davis runs a career change business focused exclusively on helping adventurers and many-talented souls wake up to work they love. She does JAM sessions on spotting your Passion, and helps you baby-launch a solo or small business.
Website: jillianjdavis.com | Twitter: @jillibex
